azhari harris

My life is sucks

I’m only a dreamer, I know, too much dreams and imaginations inside my head. I’m not ready to facing future, I just wanna be young, but now, ready or not, I had to face it like gentlemen. Inside my pray, I always wishing to God that please make my dreams happen.

When, my dreams will happen? Before this, I always asking what is the point of life? to die? just it? to make parent happy? living only for God? hmm Now I know what is the point of my life, to make my dream come true.

But how to make it if I can’t get my targets? I’ve been set some target in my life, I had to do this, I had to do that, and anything. I do even make when I had to Die.

Seriously, I really sick of relationships, sorry relationship, you are not one of my prior’s targets in my life for right now, I need to catch my dreams. My love life is sucks too. I try to understand people, I try to be nice with people even it’s ‘fake’ nice, I try to exploring something new, I try to do this and that. So sorry relationship, my life not as short as like you want, I cant do anything I want if I had relationship. What I want in life is freedom. I hate un-logical reason in this life will curb me.

Yes, I want a freedom life, I hate being curbed of some rules in this life. 


GABS!

Bingung, hari ini mau ngapain, besok mau ngapain, lusa mau ngapain? Semuanya ga jelas disini. Merasa tertipu, sakit hati, kecewa, jadi bahan dagangan (cari sendiri maksud dari ini). Tertipu, karena pada awalnya ada jobdesc yang jelas tentang apa pekerjaan disini. Mereka meminta saya untuk mengajar simple bahasa inggris, musik, dan kebudayaan saya. Setelah datang, ternyata sangat berbeda dengan yang di janjikan, mereka (organisasi itu) hanya mengantarkan aku di tempat kerja yang sangat jauh dari tempat tinggal, dan dsiuruh memilih kapan saja untuk datang ke tempat kerja. okay. saya datang selalu tepat waktu dan excited pada awalnya. Namun, hari pertama, duduk sepanjang hari disana tanpa berbuat apa-apa (bukan karena saya tidak mau, tapi saya tidak dituntun harus melakukan apa dan masuk kelas apa dan harus bagaimana), hari kedua sama dengan hari pertama, hari ketiga juga sama. Habis lah minggu pertama tanpa melakukan apa-apa. (Aku bekerja hanya 3 kali seminggu)

Aku berpikir, oh, mungkin ini hanya minggu pertama saja, mungkin untuk mengatur jadwal saya itu masih belom bisa karena bentrok dengan kelas guru-guru disana. Positif thinking. Minggu kedua, sama, 3 hari tanpa melakukan apa-apa. Namun untungnya saya membawa mainan dari Indonesia, congklak, saya bermain dengan beberapa guru magang dan beberapa anak-anak disana. Namun, overall, nothing to do.

Kalau saja aku ga membawa mainan ke sekolah, apa yang terjadi? Dang!

MInggu ketiga, hari pertama, saya ingin lihat dulu, bagaimana dan apa yang terjadi pada minggu ketiga ini, apakah saya akan bekerja, atau tidak. Ternyata tidak ada perubahan apa-apa, saya mulai stress, saya mulai menanyakan tentang kondisi ini ke OCP (Ketua Project) via Facebook. Dia bilang, dia akan menelpon pihak sekolah.

Saya mulai kerja lagi di hari kedua minggu ketiga, dan alhasil, sama saja, tidak ada perubahan. Saya datang ke kantor organisasi itu dan kembali membicarakan ke OCP nya. Dia bilang, “Oh, begitu?? Ini bermasalah nih sekolahnya. Kalau begitu aku akan telepon sekolahnya.” Dalam hati panas, dan ingin teriak “HEYYYYY Gue udah kasih tau masalah ini ke lo di FB!!!! Dan lo jangan-jangan lupa mau nelpon si sekolahan??? Lo bilang aja terus bakal aku telepon!”

Lalu aku hari ketiga minggu ketiga datang lagi, dan masih ga ada perubahan sejak dia bilang akan menelpon. Sudah. Aku sudah muak dengan janji palsu mereka.

Aku kirim message di FB seperti ini:

    • #####, i want to tell you that i want to reduce my internship from 8 weeks to 6 weeks, so in 20th august is my last day in izmir. I’ve been changed my flight date. Actually its not polite to say in facebook, i want to say it directly to you, but its hard to reach you regarding you often not reply sms from EPs (to be honest) so how can i arrange time to meet you. 
      Sorry to say, but i felt im useless here, theres nothing to do in rehabilitation center, i’ve told you about my condition but you told me that you will call the center, and i wait wait and wait. Until now, i still come to center, but even though i came to center, nothing changed after you told me that you will call the center, theres nothing to do, i just sitting all day in center, watching teacher teaching their student, and i totally bored with that condition. theres no schedules for me. theres no special class for me. and some of teacher prohibit me to enter their class because the condition of student.
      Thats why i ask you about CEED opportunity, I think maybe i can do something else, something useful, something that i can do in izmir for 2 month. I wait information from you, but you can guess, do I got any information until now?
      Cigli is really far (my workplace), but please, dont make me disappointed after i arrive to center and do nothing.
      I’m ICX in Indonesia, so I know how hard this job, but please, show our AIESEC profesionalism to others.
      Thank you for your attentions.
  • image

    Saturday
    • ##########good night. After i told you that i would call your center, i did actually and they told me that internship stuff works this way at the centers. All centers are like that. Interns are limited there. You know, its not just about us, we have to care about their opinions, and centers, in general prefer this, i mean observation and having time with children. They tell that they already have professional teacherand don’t need someone professional from interns. Just ones who can take care of children and sth simple like that. But just to make it right i’ll call there again. If nothin happens, and if you are ok,too, i’ll change your center with anothe or look for CEED in AIESEC izmir. But please understand that it’s not about being professional, it’s just trying to balanc centers and interns if you tell me that you don’t want to work there anymore, im gonna do the things that are necessary to fix this.
  • image

    SaturdayAzhari Harris
    • Not same #####, I have a discussion with other interns in some of different center. And they told me that even though they said “Oh me too, theres nothing to do”. But, they still have a special class for children, have fun with children, and in one day they can enter minimal 5 classes. And me? Come, sit, go back. If they dont need me, why i putted in that center?
      I’m not a person who only want to have a holiday here just like some of interns that I know. I came here, from Indonesia, totally hoping for working, so thats why i choose 2 month for internship. 
      And after come back to Indonesia, what should I say now about my job? Especially my parents, what should I say to my parents about my job? They are really proud of me at first can accepted exchange in Turkey, they sacrifice everything for me only for ‘exchange’.
      If i know i can change to other center, i will ask for it 2 weeks ago. Because if i change now, its only 1 week. I thought we can’t change center as murat can said in group.
      thank you for your response.
  • image

    Saturday ############
    • no, we can change center, an we’ll. Theres a really good center in buca and from this monday they finish holiday
  • image

    SaturdayAzhari Harris
    • i just want to let you know what i felt during my internship here. I will keep come to Cigli center, because next week is my last week in izmir. so I dont need to change my center, because i plan to make a farewell with my center next week. Have a nice day gamze.
  • image

    Saturday###########
    • i’m gonna use all possibilities to make the situation better. I’ll tell your feeling and i hope they will enhance sth there, i hope.
      Have a nice day

Okay, lets see what happened next. Yang pasti aku udah pindahin tanggal pulang lebih cepet. aku ga mau disini cuma ngabisin duit orang tua cuma untuk tinggal dirumah orang turkey seharian. Orang Turkey nya juga masa bodo denganku, dia ga bisa bahasa inggris susah untuk communicate denganku. sigh. God bless you.

    • ps: Sorry kalo beberapa diantara kalian ada yang tersinggung, lebih baik kalian tersinggung daripada aku sakit hati. Supaya tahu, kenyataan itu sakit, perih, dan pengorbananku kesini ga sekedar materi, aku ngorbanin waktu, harga diri, dan kesempatan-kesempatan lain yang lebih berarti dari sekedar tinggal diam dirumah orang di negara lain.
    • super late post! I was in internship when I wrote this